Big Rox 2.

“Big Rox ‘ are the things I do first – on the first day of the week that I can do them and they are the things that matter the most that only I can do.

Big Rox 1 is seeing my mother in the care home.

Big Rox 2, is a couple of hours working on the manuscript of the Work in Progress. It isn’t planning or research or filing or email or thinking – it is ‘get out lap top, find Scrivener file, open it and work on the next scene – which I always leave labelled in red ‘Next’.

This week I was not entirely confident that I would be able to do BR2 but I did.

The problem is that in these early stages of returning to this I can feel I haven’t done enough – and that was the case this week. There were planned power cuts due to tree felling on Wednesday and so I found I had a script running in my head ‘It’s not worth doing X because of Y…’  Then Wed pm there was over an hour resuscitating machines and on Thursday, first thing in the morning, MS logged me out somewhere and wouldn’t let me back in – five and a half hours later I crawled away from my desk not giving a toss of my mane if I ever wrote again.

I had an active life before I wrote. Now, I creep around a house alone – wondering if some plastic box will function or not – and if it does, whether the tech giants beyond my shores will have changed Something Somewhere that butterfly’s poop will land on me ( George RR Martin ‘Butterfly Effect’ ) and my motley collection of ‘droids, Apples and Windows. And this week, it did. The only plus point was that it wasn’t a weekend, so this didn’t play out around an over-tired husband with a ‘real’ job.

My joy of showing up for BR2 is long forgotten – but it is done – and next week I will show up for Big Rox 2 again and that will be done What Ever Else Happens.